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#528788 - 11/10/09 07:02 AM
confused and upset
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MrsGotRocks
Connoisseur
Registered: 03/27/09
Posts: 2176
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I didn't know where to post this since it involves a handbag but much more than that.
Some of you know I was comtemplating purchasing a cinnamon colored, large Coach Maggie Handbag. My friend and former neighbor's husband, "D", is a luxury brand rep for Coach as well as for other items like Tag Hueur watches, etc. In the past, he has held sample sales at his house and I have bought several items from him as gifts and for myself. I've never had a problem with D or his items as he would disclose why items were very slightly worn (b/c they were used as samples). I also never checked his sale prices as I assumed I was getting a discount and he was a trusted aquaintance.
To get to my point, D e-mailed me some stock photos of the bag and told me, "I can't give you a discount this time since this is new and hasn't even launched yet!" He went on enthusiastically about me getting an exclusive product a month early and how I should jump on the chance. I told him I would think about it and get back to him. So last week, I e-mail him back asking him for dimension details, actual photos of the bag for color, etc., but hadn't heard back. I tried calling his cell and then left a msg on their home phone and nothing. I thought it was odd that a week passed and I hadn't heard from him. D usually responds within a 2-3 days.
So the best part is that I call Coach directly at the end of last week and ask for the details, mentioning that I'm thinking about getting the cinnamon color that hasn't come out yet. And here's the kicker - the rep pauses and tell me that that particular bag has been out since this July!!! Excuse me, are you sure?? Yes, positive. Now I'm really confused. I mean, they have to be right, I'm calling the corporation!! Again, I call D to make sure. No return call to me.
So yesterday, I called another friend of mine in my old neighborhood and ask how are D and K, haven't heard from them lately. K lost her job, they are downsizing to a smaller home and the house has been for sale for months.
After thinking about this last night, I can only assume they have hit hard times and are in need. I can't think of another reason D would lie about an exclusive bag he's had for 4 months and try to sell it to me at full cost. 
My feelings are hurt if this is the case. I would've bought that bag and more in an instant if only he told me it would help them out. Now not only do I look like an idiot for blabbing to all about getting an "exclusive, not yet launched bag", but worse, I feel like our friendship with D and K had been compromised.
Maybe the point is moot if they aren't in communication with anyone anymore but it bothers me that I've been lied to and he tried to take advantage of me.  DH says to let it go in light of the hard times and their siuation and this is when I feel small for being upset. But if I ever get the chance to talk to D again, do I bring it up (but nicely) or just let sleeping dogs lie? I feel like calling more friends from my old neighbohood and digging around for more dirt. Am I just making too big a deal? BTW, just called all 3 numbers I have for them and still no answer.
Sorry for the long rant, thanks for listening.
On a brighter note, I'm getting a sparkly from FedEx today.
_________________________
"Lucky I'm In Love With My Best Friend" - 16 wonderful years on 11/13/09! I love my kids!
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#528795 - 11/10/09 07:50 AM
Re: confused and upset
[Re: poppyseed]
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Milady
Afficionado
Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 527
Loc: my computer
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I agree with Poppy. People get desperate in bad times and your friend is probably feeling embarrassed about the situation. He already knows you busted him in a lie, and he knows he betrayed and upset you (or else you wouldn't be trying so hard to contact him). I'm sure he's at a loss for what to say to you, so he's going to keep avoiding your calls. I'm sure his pride gets in the way, too.
I say take the high road! Yes, you have every right to be upset, but at least you didn't spend the money. Can you imagine finding out that you spent MORE than it cost for the "exclusive" bag, and THEN he started ignoring your calls? Eek!  It's a shame he isn't being a better friend to you, but that doesn't mean you need to stoop to his level. You are a good person, so you would regret it later!
Now, I need more details on the sparkly that's coming today. 
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#528798 - 11/10/09 08:10 AM
Re: confused and upset
[Re: tricksi]
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Jsmith8
Mentor
Registered: 07/05/09
Posts: 977
Loc: Chicago
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Desperate times call for desperate measures... some say.
Nonetheless, he is/was your friend and shouldn't have lied like that. That is completely unnecessary and a low if he's trying to con you, his friend.
I would be confused and hurt as well and I myself, now I'm not saying this is the right way to go about it, would not let it go. These were your friends and a betrayal like that is unforgiveable. I mean, I would just look at it like they tried to pull one over on you once who knows what they'll do in the future or what it even would entail. The trust is gone. And that in fact, would be a con and him trying to steal money from you. I don't care what your situation is at home... lying, stealing and cheating (especially from friends) is just a low that I cannot look pass.
What if the situations were reversed?
It's easy to say take the higher road but in reality what he did was wrong and I would be upset myself. If he comes clean and apologies then cross that bridge when it comes.
Edited by Jsmith8 (11/10/09 01:30 PM)
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#528860 - 11/10/09 11:57 AM
Re: confused and upset
[Re: MrsGotRocks]
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Solnishko
Curious
Registered: 08/21/09
Posts: 19
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I'm really sorry that this happened to you. Having a friend betray you... it's such a horrible feeling and I'm sorry that you're going through it.
People do regrettable things, in times of need. I've known very nice girls who posed for some... racy photos, in order to feed their families. And other friends have done various other unsavory things, in times of need. They'd never even consider it... until their child was crying from hunger and it was the only way they could see to solve their financial problem. It strips us down to our baser elements and reveals some pretty primal instincts. Some of which aren't very pretty.
D did try to take advantage of you and was dishonest. I can totally understand that you'd be upset, hurt and feel betrayed. I'd have similar feelings too. If I were in your shoes, I'd let bygones be bygones. There's really no point of value to kicking someone when they're already obviously down. Should he come clean and apologize or do something to try to make amends, I'd give him a chance to rebuild trust. If he doesn't, I'd hesitate to do business with him again (and be very careful if I did) but I wouldn't lambaste him over it. I'd allow the relationship to continue, although it wouldn't be nearly as close, I'm sure.
It may seem like I'm suggesting to let him "get away with it," but I have a feeling the D knows that Mrs is aware of what's going on, or he wouldn't be avoiding her, at this point. Letting him keep his dignity right now is a good thing, both for him and his family. And, let me tell you, a man's dignity is often directly connected to his ability to provide for his family. When my husband was laid off... wow. That was definitely not a good thing for him at all.
If you're concerned, a gentle "I haven't heard from you in a while and wanted to make sure that you're okay! I'm worried about you!" would be a nice way to reach out and give him an opportunity to reach out to you. If he doesn't take it right away, he may, once things have settled down.
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#528884 - 11/10/09 01:30 PM
Re: confused and upset
[Re: Europa]
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Jsmith8
Mentor
Registered: 07/05/09
Posts: 977
Loc: Chicago
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I guess I'm just a little more cut-throat or something.
However, I feel like you should cool down but you shouldn't just let this go or "forget" get happened. I understand others points of views BUT when he get scammed on ebay or diamondbistro or by someone we don't know we don't sit around and say we'll let sleeping dogs lie, take the higher road, etc. No, we file our paypal claims, we give bad reviews, we are upset and we have every reason to be!
Bottom line: A scam is a scam. Worse though is trying to scam your friend!
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