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#506766 - 08/03/09 07:04 AM
Last Name Dilemma.... Change it? vs Hypenate it?
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Jsmith8
Connoisseur
Registered: 07/05/09
Posts: 1288
Loc: Chicago
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Hello ladies, I have a dilemma....
My future family in law has been bringing up what I will do with my last name once I get married. Now they believe that I am being an "overbearing feminist" who is completely confused on the concept of marriage and by not completely changing my last name I am not dedicated to my future husband. They are also hardcore Catholics so they have a lot of beliefs (no offense to any crazed Catholics  )
My boyfriend/fiance/man friend doesn't care.
See the thing is... I have the most common last name in the history of last names and he has the most uncommon last name.
I have been lately saying my name with his last name and it's awful... It sounds, well it makes me cringe, enough said.
However, his family doesn't. They are strongly opposed to hypenated last names. And yes, I will be an elementary school teacher so the kids may struggle but they can call me Mrs. SF for all I care.
I just feel like my name is my identity and first off, I don't want it to sound awful and secondly, I'm not losing my identity and assimilating to his, he's becoming apart of mine.
However, they will never give up and I am tired of fighting uphill battles with them. What to do, what to do?
Thanks for reading my complaints. 
Edited by Jsmith8 (08/03/09 09:06 AM)
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#506772 - 08/03/09 07:17 AM
Re: Last Name Dilemma.... Change it? vs Hypenate it?
[Re: Jsmith8]
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Blingaholic
BTD Crown Jewel
Registered: 03/25/07
Posts: 16677
Loc: VA
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i kept my last name when i got married. there's only 1 letter difference between my last name and my husband's, so i didn't see a point in changing it. hyphenating sounds weird to me, so i didn't do it. my in-laws don't like it, and insist on calling me and address mail to me with my DH's last name, but i'll answer to either name. "what's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
how does your BF feel about the name issue? it's really between you two.
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#506776 - 08/03/09 07:23 AM
Re: Last Name Dilemma.... Change it? vs Hypenate it?
[Re: Blingaholic]
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MissDymonds666
The Millenium Star
Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 7490
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I voted changing to his last name only because I don't hyphenate. 
HOWEVER, this is really between you and your FH. I strongly believe in-laws or even parents for that matter, don't have much of a say if any at all in what name you take.
Am I sounding like the rebel daughter yet or what? 
Seriously though, unless it's something of the utmost importance that will affect family, they have no say. My parents still to this day feel they need to tell me what to do. I'm 42! My sister said they try it with her too and she is only three years younger than me and has two kids of her own!
She said just be like, "Yeah okay, gotta go now." Then just hang up. She advised that the best thing to do is not to tell them too much. Like for example which religion you plan to raise your children. I don't know, maybe it's just me but I feel and no offense to anyone who is a mom, but they really have no say.
Edited by MissDymonds666 (08/03/09 07:38 AM)
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#506777 - 08/03/09 07:27 AM
Re: Last Name Dilemma.... Change it? vs Hypenate it?
[Re: Anozira]
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elf925
Connoisseur
Registered: 06/06/08
Posts: 1732
Loc: Orange County, CA
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This issue is NONE of is families business. If your future hubby doesn't care- and you've said he doesn't- I wouldn't worry about it. I never changed my last name. Why?- Mainly due to all the hassle- the social security office, the DMV, faxing all kinds of paperwork to my employer and banks and credit card companies. UGGGG- it's just too much work!
Also, I have worked with many middle eastern ladies and in that culture, they never change their last name. It's considered disrespectful to their fathers to drop his name.
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#506779 - 08/03/09 07:31 AM
Re: Last Name Dilemma.... Change it? vs Hypenate i
[Re: Jsmith8]
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Anozira
The Florentine Diamond
Registered: 07/13/06
Posts: 5372
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Oh I see, sounds like you're in for a rocky ride w/these in-laws  If your fiance doesn't care do what you want, it really isn't their place to interject, as someone else said this is between you and him.
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